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Turning
The Tables
This
one is a little different. This is a very strange ad that
I responded to, and this weirdo (and I mean that in the nicest
way possible) ended up becoming my good buddy Tom. Why did
I respond? I don't know. Instead of posting his picture in
his ad, Tom posted the Mountain Dew logo. I guess I can't
resist a guy with that twisted of a sense of humor.
Lorina's
Response:
Hi,
Well,
I tried getting a ouja board and contacting old Abe himself,
but he was busy playing chess with Nixon. He's going to call
me back. Yeah, right. Since his death, that guy's head has
swelled so much it doesn't even fit in that stovepipe hat
of his. Anyway, I just had to write to a guy who bares such
a striking resemblence to my favorite non alcoholic beverage.
I hate to tell you this, but I do have gills. And webbed feet.
I hope this doesn't bother you. I'm an excellent swimmer though.
My friends call me Flipper, and I have a voice that sounds
remarkably like Mariah Carey's when she hits those high notes
that shatter glass. Not really. I'm just a wacky 26 year old
brunette from Northeast Pa, looking to e-mail some people
I find interesting. Got a picture of yourself when you are
not a high fructose - high caffeine soft drink? Hope to hear
from you soon. I'm off to have a breakfast of Mt. Dew and
a peanut butter cup. Really. I'm serious.
Lorina
(my real name, but the last name is not Bobbitt.)
Tom's
E-mail:
hi there. I am sorry to inform you that the picture I placed
on my ad was not me. It was my brother. Where's northeast
PA? Is it anywhere near Northwest Pa? What are you doing up
this early on a saturday morning. Get to bed! My breakfast
this morning consisted of a little bit of water, some toothpaste,
a can of dew (I prefer to drink Dew out of bottles) and some
Listerine, not in that order. I'm going to attach a picture
of me sitting on some cute guy's lap. I'm the one in the slutty
red dress. I would send you my webpage, but it takes too long
to type, so I'll send you the link some time later.be well.
Tom
<included a pic of a scantily clad woman sitting on a cute
guys' lap>
Lorina's
Response: Hi Tom,
Hmm...
interesting picture. You've got nice cans! And that guy you're
sitting on is kinda cute -- nice eyebrows -- is he Scottish
by any chance? What am I doing up? Damned if I know. I didn't
go to bed last night -- I went to couch. Up til 5am, couch
til 9am, then the phone started ringing, on the blasted computer
for a while, then checked the fridge to see if my chocolate
milk had become chunky yet. The chunks are not a desirable
thing in my milk. It is still smooth and creamy. I'm really
upset, though. The "Quicky Mart" by my house only sells 1%
Lowfat Chocolate milk... I want the whole fat, dagnabbit!
I'm about 5'5", 105 lbs, and I could really stand to gain
a few pounds. I'm not emaciated or anything, just tiny. Northeast
Pa isn't very close to Northwest Pa. It is just to the east
of Central Pa, however, which, if I'm not mistaken is just
to the east of Northwest Pa. I'm a web designer, but I don't
have a personal page of my own right now. I did have several,
but that was when I had an AOL (yuck.) account, with 10mg
of server space. I now have a free account from work (woo-hoo!),
with 5mg of space, but I haven't bothered to upload anything
there. When you're doing it all day at work, it kind of loses
it's charm. Well, that's enough for now. I look forward to
hearing from you, and seeing another picture of that cute
guy, maybe without the floozy on his lap.
Lorina
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