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What's In A Name?

What's in a name? A LOT! This response wouldn't have been bad, a little opinionated but not bad, except for his e-mail address. Unless, of course, he's a stamp collector. I didn't want to find out.

From: love_to_lick@_______.com
Date: Fri, 27 Aug 1999 13:07:35 -0700
Subject: hi
In response to: Wit and Sarcasm Out The Wazoo

Hello I am a single male, no kids, 5’10” slightly muscular build, brown eyes, black hair. I am 23. I live in New York City. I am a well spoken, down to earth, mature, outgoing, and fun person. I’m also very charming, spontaneous, romantic, respectful, caring, understanding and a complete gentleman. The type of man every woman loves. Pretty much a nice guy but I can be a badboy at times. I like rock, techno/dance, alternative, latin and r&b music. I enjoy weight lifting, dancing, dining, traveling, and making you happy. I would like to start jogging but I am looking for a female partner and have not found one yet :( I have many other interests and do many different things. I will always try something new and exciting as long as its legal and I won’t end up in jail . I do not smoke or drink alcohol and of course do not use drugs. I do not like drug users, pushers, alcoholics. Smoking is ok as long as you don’t do it around me. I treat women very nicely and can make you very happy. I am a one woman man. I will be there for you always and will give you space when and if you need it. I am a variety person so race does not matter to me. But, I am very attractted to a woman with a curvy body and flat stomach. I am seeking a woman I can get wild and crazy with. I also like a woman who takes care of herself, carries herself well, well spoken, intelligent, not a snob and has a career or is working towards one and dresses very sexy and is not a tomboy and does not dress like one. Sweats might be ok to do some chores around the house but when it is worn outside as an outfit that is a huge turn-off. : ) I dress very well so I of course like a well dressed woman. If I sound like a man you are interested in getting to know and you are completely unattached meaning no boyfriend, no fiancee, no husband, no nothing, then send me an e-mail and we can see if we both have finally found the right person to be with. By the way what is your name? Where in NYC do you live?

Lorina: Fine... I can handle the fact that he wants a hot babe and doesn't like smoking. I understand loathing sweatpants... even Seinfeld has said that you can tell someone has completely given up when they wear sweatpants in public. But... LOVE TO LICK? Spare me!

Cindy: Interesting, but of course, a little too opinionated & sexual for a first email..."Yeah, I don't drink or smoke...but I like to eat p*ssy! A LOT! And make sure you have a great body, 'cause I don't want to suffocate in ab flab while l'm munching your carpet!"

Jen: Cin, you should not DO that while I'm in the middle of eating a McMuffin. The "getting lost in ab-flab while munching your carpet" comment nearly made my monitor really yucky looking with egg bits. :)

I'm telling ya, Cin, you gotta be a writer. You & Lori have the gift of criticism! It almost makes me think we should start an online paper like theonion.com--full of phoney news articles and heavy on the sarcasm.

Interesting Side Note: This was written 5 months before the birth of waytoopersonal.com.

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