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All
Hail Cesar
While
I have been pretty lucky in mostly responding to cool guys,
there have been a few instances where people are just plain
kooky. Case in point: Cesar here. He wrote a not particularly
nice response to my ad, but it made sense... So, I responded.
Here's a series of e-mails between Cesar and moi. It
was guys like this that made me realize that not writing back
to everyone, and trusting your gut instinct, is a good thing.
Fritz:
I like how he slams your ad, and then towards the bottom he
sucks up by saying you're attractive and how he's "NOT insulting
you". It's almost like he's covering his butt just incase
you were to write to him. I bet he freaked when you did reply!
Lorina's
Response:
Date:
Sat, 21 Aug 1999
Subject: Re: I read your ad...
Hi
Cesar,
Well,
you're getting a response anyway, so there! :P
Actually,
you made a good point -- the conversation can be as stupid
as Beavis and Butthead (who I love!), but it has to be with
an intelligent person to be enjoyable. There's really nothing
more satisfying than a good funny silly chat about all kinds
of absurdities. And nothing more boring than listening to
someone who thinks of him- or herself as intelligent prattle
on endlessly -- oops, I'm doing that now, aren't I? Sorry!
:) So, how this instead: Did you ever see the movies Poltergeist?
That medium (the one who says "Cross over children --
all welcome... etc.") really freaked me out. Not because
the movie was scary, but because she was short and fat. She
was a small, large medium. (Yeah, it's stupid, so what.)
Now,
your response was interesting, and it caught my attention.
Plus, you don't want me to write back, and I like to be annoying!
But what I really can't stand is stuff like this:
"hi
can we talk???????? email me IM 35 5'6' 155lbs photographer
in nyc into art,culture,food,talking....regards xxxxx"
I
mean, why should I reply? He doesn't tell me anything about
himself, and doesn't let any of his personality show in his
response. I really am less interested in his height and weight
and occupation than his personality. In fact, the coolest
person I have ever met through these things didn't tell me
anything at all about himself in the initial e-mail, but it
was obvious that he had wit and personality out the wazoo.
But this guy doesn't even use complete sentences. And I'm
not picking on this guy -- I just randomly pulled something
out of the old inbox.
I
guess "intelligence" is a meaningless phrase anyway
-- have you ever met someone who said, "Yep, I'm stupid!"
Everyone thinks of themselves as intelligent. Alas, a good
number of them cannot spell it. I'd like to compile a list
of all the different variations I received. I'm a lousy speller
and typist myself, but I just think "intelligent"
is an ironic word to misspell. But it really makes me worry,
because I think of myself as intelligent, and sometimes I
wonder... LOL!
By
the way, this really seems to surprise guys when I tell them
this, but this ad has received 337 responses. I have probably
responded to less than 15 of them.
I
will take your thoughts into consideration. Thanks for making
your point known.
Lorina
ps...
So, E=MC2 -- what do you think about that!? LOL!
Lorina's
Response:
Date: Mon, 23 Aug 1999
Subject: Re: I can be annoying too...
Well, Cesar,
Yeah, you're
getting another response from me... Not that you give a rat's
butt, but if you want replies to your responses...
Here's what
was wrong with the example I sent: The guy showed no sign
of having a personality. I like conversations, and I think
I gave plenty of material in my ad that someone should be
able to pick a topic and run with it. I'm not saying there's
anything wrong with that guy, but he just doesn't SEEM like
someone who could keep up his end of a conversation. The things
he told me could have been taken right off his driver's license.
What else could he have dished out? Well, ANYTHING! Tell a
story... tell the things that set him apart... make me laugh...
Perhaps I'm a bit of a snob or something, but I KNOW I've
got a lot going for me, and I'm a very interesting complex
person. I should be fussy and particular. Everyone should
be. I used to reply to every response my ad received... and
I found that the people who seem boring from the start usually
stay that way. And worse yet, there are plenty of weird people
out there who think you're in some kind of a relationship
after 2 or 3 e-mails and get upset if I don't write every
day or if I discontinue writing them.
Actually,
I've received very few perverted responses... I actually find
it quite amusing that there's a person (or two... or ten)
out there so pathetic that he gets his jollies writing a dirty
e-mail. I usually forward them to my friends, so we can all
get a chuckle out of them.
But enough
about me... You say you've poured your heart out? Wrong answer.
Don't do that. It's unnerving. The last thing you want to
project is that you're a bitter, cynical person whose desperate
and lonely. Heartfelt talks should be reserved until you get
to know someone. Keep things light and upbeat. Have fun with
it. Pick something about what the woman says in her ad and
talk about that. Talk about the things you like to do. You
have to write something that will set you apart from the rest.
Play off your interesting name... Start an e-mail "Friends,
Romans, Web Surfers, lend me your ears..." (Yeah, I know
that's "Caesar", but close enough. I make Lorena
Bobbitt references all the time... probably scares the hell
outta guys, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.) The WORST
thing you can do when answering a personals ad is to send
a form letter. I want proof that whoever is writing to me
actually read my ad and thought about what to say to me, not
just... "Well, here's a girl with a picture, and she's
not bad looking... I'll send her my typical reply." That's
just like a lame pickup line. And run spell check. I know
most people are lousy at spelling. I know I am. But it never
hurts to be accurate.
And don't
take it personally if someone doesn't write back. That's silly...
That's like girls who meet guys at a club and get upset if
they don't call. Only they have more reason to be upset because
the guy SAID he'd call. It's a slot machine. Sometimes you
hit a jackpot, but more often than not you don't.
I'm being
serious here... If you want an inside look into the mind of
a woman, feel free to pick my brain.
Lorina
Lorina's
Response:
Date: Mon, 23 Aug 1999
Subject: Re: one more point
Hi Cesar,
You're right
again... I don't know if I'd be writing to you under normal
circumstances. I have a great big pile of e-mails I haven't
responded to. But I'll let you in on a little secret. Most
women suck. Yeah, I'm a woman, and I think most women are
really stupid, shallow people. More so than men, but God knows
there's lots of stupid men out there too... just plain stupid
people. But why do I not have a sisterly bond with women?
Because women don't like me and never have. I've always had
more male friends than female friends... Way back in high
school it was the girls that made my life miserable. A lot
of women, especially attractive ones, are cruel, unthinking,
uncaring people. They think just because they are pretty or
whatever they don't have to develop personalities. (I grew
up thinking I was downright homely until the age of about
18.) I guess I'm a member of the He-man Woman Haters Club.
I haven't
a clue what makes most other women tick... I know what works
for me, and for those few women that think the way I think.
I don't "go" for the professional type guys necessarily.
When someone writes me an ad saying they're a doctor or a
lawyer... I dont' think I've written back to one of them.
(And there is NO WAY I'd write to the gynocologist... that's
just too icky!) I don't like braggarts (but I like a healthy
ego) who think they're income makes them special.
By the way,
I have written to men, with varying degrees of success. One
I dated for about a month. Others I have been pen pals with
for several months (they live kinda far away, so actually
meeting them would be difficult.) I've written to quite a
few who never responded. Right now, I'm sort of dating a guy
who wrote to my ad... not serious steady dating, but it's
fun. I don't rely on this heavily as a way of meeting people,
I just did it on a lark when things got slow at work, and
since I've met some neat people, I did it a few times.
Another thing...
a lot of ads by women are fronts for 1-900 lines and pay websites.
There's a
lot more men online than women. Of my friends, almost every
guy I know is online, and only TWO of my girl friends are.
One male friend and I placed ads on the same day. He was a
good looking guy, good ad, with a photo. A few days later,
when we talked, he had received 3 responses to his ad, I had
70.
If you want
to vent, go right ahead. Like I said, I have a number of male
friends, and four brothers. I've heard it all before.
Somewhere
along the line, I had updated my ad, changing the picture
and adding a bit about how sometimes stupid conversation is
fun too. Then I got this response from our good buddy Cesar.
Lorina's
Response:
Date: Mon, 30 Aug 1999
Subject: Re: You're so Amusing...
Cesar,
I was going
to respond to you. I didn't realize there was a time limit
on it. I was out of town for a few days. I didn't realize
I had to inform you of my vacation plans. You are an ill-tempered
person. I can see why you are alone.
Lorina
I kinda wanted
to retort to this, in particular saying something about his
right hand keeping him company, but he would have said yet
again that "I got you to write me." I didn't want
to give the bitter psychopath the pleasure. So I just applied
good old mail-block. What an asshole!
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