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Give My Regards to Broadway
Yep...
I want to go out on a date with someone I don't even know.
Sheesh. That's why this way of meeting people is so good --
cuz you CAN get to know someone before you meet them face
to face. (And you can weed them out long before you'd meet,
too!)
I
am a forever romantic, who came across your picture,
Lorina:
Uh... EWW! What did you do that for!? Wipe off the monitor,
man!
Kevin:
**Forever romantic** Stalker equivalent of **Forever Psychotic**
and
here I am writing to you... I have two tickets to a play on
Broadway ---Chicago--- for next Tue. Aug 8.
Lorina:
First off, August 8 is a
Sunday...
Kevin:
Chicago?! Oh, the play, not the city...and he sure gives you
a lot of time to think about it.
A
good friend of mine gave them to me and I need a date.
Kevin:
"...I need a victim...oops, I mean a date... I need a
date."
I
would like to invite you to a reception before the show and
to the show afterwards.
Kevin:
Will the reception involve fancy dress, or just your everyday
'victim apparel?'
You
don't have to worry; I'm no lunatic.
Kevin:
"And I swear I'd tell you if I
WAS a lunatic..."
Lorina:
Oh... ok. I won't worry at all that some guy I don't know
needs a date in FOUR DAYS.
I
was at work and I was thinking who to take with me and I came
across your picture...
Lorina:
AGAIN? Sheesh, man. Give Ole Willy a rest!
Kevin:
Well, get back to work or I'm telling your boss!
I
liked it, I think you're very pretty. I'm 29 and work at Rockefeller
center for a financial corporation. I'm not here to impress
you,
Kevin:
What a relief! I thought he was here to impress you!
I
just think it would be fun to meet someone new and have a
nice conversation. Don't worry about my looks: I'm 6 feet,
165 pounds and dress funky when out of the office.
Kevin:
Don't worry about his looks.
You'll be worried enough about what he means by dressing 'funky.'
Does he dress up like James Brown?
I
hang out in SOHO a lot and the Lower East Side.
Kevin:
"Yeah, I'm hip to the NY scene,
daddy-o! Dig it!"
I’m
fit; I play soccer on the weekends and also coach a bunch
of little girls to play soccer in Roslyn, Long Island. I feel
good about my looks because all the moms that bring their
little girls to soccer hit on me...
Kevin:
I'm sure the soccer moms are just falling all over themselves
to get to you... it's just all the rest of the women in the
world who ignore your charm and good looks.
I
can't do anything about it because I love what I do and I
don't want to mess it up.
Kevin:
Yeah, messing up a promising career as a little girl's soccer
coach would be devastating to anyone.
I
don't know how to scan a picture... I've never done it, but
I can mail you one or drop an envelope at your work or something.
Kevin:
An all too obvious ploy...
Lorina:
Here's another peeve -- all these wankers who can't send a
picture. "Duh... I don't have a scanner... I don't know
how... duh..." You can get film put on disc at any Wal-mart.
I think everyone knows SOMEONE with a scanner or digital camera.
If
you like the idea let me know please because if you can't
make it, I would have to invite one of my coworkers and I
really don't feel like it.
Kevin:
Buck up, camper! You can always drag one of the soccer moms
along on your psychotic night out!
This
is a real honest and fun invitation so, there is nothing to
worry about. Tell all the other guys that you're busy on Tue.
but you're gonna get back to them the next day...just kidding.
Kevin:
Oh, you're just kidding. Well, that's a relief...
My
name is Mike, what's yours?
Kevin:
"My name is Mike the Sociopathic
Loner, what's yours?"
I
don't know, Lori... you might be passing up the love of your
life here, not to mention the chance to see Chicago! Ugh!
Lorina:
Yeah... Passing up on "Chicago"... I mean, I've
seen all these people saying it's better than "Cats."
What was I thinking! I better write him back! I only hope
I can get to him and his James Brown attire before the soccer
moms in minivans get to him. "All the soccer moms like
me." Well, they're also the same women who think the
president's sexy! Ewwww
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