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Guido
- World's Oldest Student
Guido...
Where do I start with the guy we call Guido? Well, his first
letter, I'll admit, was really pretty good. He seemed funny,
said he was "Italian, but not the guido, faggetaboutit
type" which amused me... So I wrote to him, then he wrote
me back and sent a picture. But that wasn't enough, he had
to send this disclaimer with the picture. (Gotta love the
grammar, punctuation, and spelling!)
Lorina:
I know, I know... You're just dying to see what this hunka
hunka burnin' love looks like. But, before I show you, I have
to tell you that Guido repeatedly mentioned how he was a student...
and that my ad specified a 22-30 year old age range. So, I
was kinda suspecting someone... young. This is what I got:
Jen:
"Hi, um, Lorina. Um, I'd like to
respond back to your email, but before I do so, I'd like to
write you a disclaimer. I know what you're going to think.
::laughs, rolls eyes:: What a major babe, you're not possibly
worthy of talking to me, let alone receiving an email that
I actually wrote, but everyone thinks that. And it really
hurts my feelings. Deeply.
Because
I'm interested in writing to a whole lot of pathetic women...just...like...you.
Women far below my social status. It's true. But wait, there's
more! I'm Italian. Wait, where are you going? Hey, come back.
Don't fear my beauty. Respect it. Hey, hey, awwwwwww."
Lorina:
jen jen jen -- you got it all wrong about me im a terrabley
conceeded guy who doesnt use any punctuation and misssspellz
lots of words... in the first e-mail i sent to your friend
Lorina i was kinda funny but in the second one all i talked
about was how funny i am and how i make people laugh and how
good looking i am then i sent this disclaimer so she wouldent
look at me and think 'wow can this guy really be interested
inme" because i really am interested but only if shes
an italian girl cuz my mom would be really disappointed if
i ever brought home a girl who wasnt'an italian or a good
church going christian. and i looked at your friends ad adn
saw how young and pretty she was and how she was looking for
a guy between the ages of 22 and 30 and i thought - hey! maybe
I won't tell her how old i am i'll just send her a picture
and shell fall head over heels for me because i'm such a stud
. but im not only interested in glamour girls - ive written
to a bunch of ugly girls too, and they never wrote me back
so i figured "what have i got to lose" and wrote
to your friend here. -- your friend robert who insists he
doesent look like a guido.
But
that wasn't the last I heard from Guido:
Lorina:
More from Guido... Please note how I have not written him
back since the initial response. This guy is bad news. Desperate,
clingy, a momma's boy, a lousy speller, and, from that picture
-- WAAAAYYYY to old to be a STUDENT! But you know, when people
first see him they think he's a player... LOL!
Jonn:
oh PUHLEEZE.... the whole
mom thing is to try and prove to you that he's a supah sweet
guido that you should be honored to get to know....
If
he really wanted to send his mother a message that would make
her laugh, he should just forward her the emails he's sent
you so far.... although that might just make her cry instead....
Jen:
Finally remembered to view the guido photo. (Work won't grant
us this priviledge--damned superstitious network folks.)
Lor,
it's like you said...there is NO POSSIBLE WAY this guy is
a young student. He hit puberty about 30 years ago. Don'tcha
think? I'd say he's about 38. But if he is taking a summer
class (which it sounds like from his pathetic second attempt
at communication), he's using that fact to his advantage to
make you think he's a much younger guy. You said you wanted
men between 22-30 yo; he's well over 30. That much is clear.
And you know, I wouldn't be so adverse to that, except that
it seems like he's trying to pulla fast one.
All
in all not a bad looking man, if you're into his sort of look--but
also a man that looks like he expects his 'bee-atch' to serve
him up some meatloaf, pronto, with a side of spaghetti. Lawd
help us!
Ralph:
He may have decided to go to college after he realized bricklaying
in NY can't pay the bills. That pic was obviously a really
old photograph that was scanned. You can see wear marks in
the lower laft hand side. His mom probably has that photo
in her wallet. It looks like it is at least a 10 yr old pic...
I
think this is how he probably looks today...
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