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Shanker
the Wanker
A
classic from the first night of e-mails, this one never fails
to make me laugh. Jonn's translation of this guy's weird-as-hell
e-mail kills me!
Jonn:
see below... I decided to take some artistic liberties with
this one.... =P
The
first time I killed a man in Buttlick I thought I was going
to die! The astonishing savagery and barrenness of my knife
carving into the poor bastard's chest scared the living daylights
out of me! Its like nothing you have seen on this planet.
Thankfully, there were No trees. No flowers. No grass. No
habitation around to ruin the moment.... and now... No people
either. Nothing!
Cold.
Desolate. Quiet. Nobody calls me anymore.... A forgotten wanna-be
poet on the face of this earth. The lameness of my overly
poetic writing chills you to the bone. Not to mention my cheesiness
which can bore you to death. Within five minutes! Yet, if
you are exposed to my writing for long you can die of laughter!
And, in the later regions of this message the writing is so
thin you have to ignore it. Or else………….
And,
all around you silent and majestic visions of Jonn. Jonn piercing
the deep blue sky. Mountains of multi-colored Jonn faces all
around you. Happy, huge, haunting. Gettin laid by pristine
ho's. With narrow asses. And, tied up naked on zee-beds. (ed.
note - I tried to be pseudo-Italian there)
My
friends think I am crazy. Time after time. Maybe I am. But,
what I have found there I'll never find any where else. My
sanity.
(ed
note - scene shifts to big convention filled with people wearing
space suits) Star Trekking across a lake of people that dried
up a million years ago, at 14000 capacity with barely enough
oxygen to their brains, it keeps you alive to be thinking
of leaving this mundane world and joining the Enterprise on
their next adventure. You are no longer who you are, 'back
home'. Mercilessly, seeing William Shatner speak strips you
of all your ego. And self perceptions. You become a non-entity.
And, are one with the astounding beauty of the foam Spock
ears all around you. Magic!
This
freedom from the superficial self is more than a breath of
fresh air. It's like being re-born. Hell, it's better than
"Cats".
And,
that's why I kill people in Buttlick. Time after time.
Would
love to have you make sense of this. Till then keep forwarding
my lame a-- emails to your friends.
wanker
Lorina:
You don't know how tempted I am to send this to Shanker. This
is truly a masterpiece. Whaddaya think? Should I send it?
Jonn:
something tells me he wouldn't get the whole paragraph about
Jonn.... if you send it, you hafta replace my name with yours,
methinks.... but then again, Lorina surrounded by pristine
hos with narrow asses might frighten him as well.... either
that, or he'll ask to join in...
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