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Stealing
Thor's Thunder
Jen
says it best, "Another cut and paste job. This is the
fifth (FIFTH!) time I've gotten this guy's email, always the
same, in the times I've put up my ad...over the past year
and a half. You think THOR would get some thunder in his writing
by then. Or at least be not so lengthy and obnoxious."
Subject:
Your ad!..well,here goes!
In Response to: Jen's Ad - Explore
LA Together
Jen,
Ok.....let’s see.... what could you want to know about
me.......... well right now I've been trying to balance my
checkbook......My checkbook balances. I think. I haven't bounced
a check for a while maybe that's a good sign!. I have a nice
car but only wash it once about every three months. I have
waxed it once since I got it though! I try to change the toilet
paper roll. There is nothing cool about having a roll sitting
on the toilet tank. I squeeze the toothpaste from the middle,
but have found that I can strangle the same tube for about
a week after it 'appears' to be empty. I take vitamins and
Ginseng that I got in Southeast Asia. I’ve never been
very fond of fast food except for the occasional bunch of
fresh McFries. I help little old ladies down the stairs of
my plane, and nubile young ladies too. I offer my arm like
the gentleman I was raised to be. I stop for anything that
could dent my car. I have extensive experience talking my
way out of tickets, it doesn't always work. I’ve always
had an addiction to powerful vehicles, have had lots of them
and will always have at least one.
I
sing in the car, the shower is not soundproof enough. I played
French Horn professionally. I can’t play chopsticks on
the piano. I’m only intimidated by spiders if they’re
on my face. I don’t mind snakes. I like most vicious
animals for their savage and exotic beauty, but only if they’re
nice to me. I only run if I’m being chased or am chasing
after my dog “Chase”. I didn’t drink in highschool,
I got alcohol poisoning in my freshman year at college, now
I know how to drink socially. I’ve never had a hangover.
I’ve inadvertently started a mosh riot and not been thrown
out. I’ve been landed upon by a stage diver. I’ve
hurt myself on roller blades. I’ve not snow boarded,
but have thought about it while skiing, and am actually taking
snowboarding lessons now.
I
can laugh at my own jokes if others are. I can laugh at myself.
I do my own laundry but have my dress clothes laundered with
light starch. I like to be comfortable. I like to be fit.
I have a little lunch cooler to take flying but have never
put a lunch in it. I swear that I am not a mechanic but have
fondled the delicate insides of all my friends cars. I can
type. I’m typing now. I can swear in several languages.
I know a little about a lot of things. ( A little knowledge
is a dangerous thing. ) I climb mountains to see what is on
the other side. I free dive in warm water when I can. Bridges
and cliffs have been launching points for my hurtling body
if there’s enough water to splash into without getting
stuck feet first in the bottom. I’ve repaired road damage
to every motorcycle that I’ve owned.
I
can not tell anything about a woman’s personality by
her appearance, and that has gotten me in trouble. Now I know
that being beautiful on the outside doesn’t guarantee
being beautiful on the inside. I know the difference between
sex and being screwed. I won’t cause anyone else to be
screwed. I appreciate honesty more than anything, and as a
result have been deemed blunt but not wrong. I am familiar
with the taste of my foot, as I’ve found it in my mouth
several times. Almost everything is worth trying to see if
you like it, as long as no one gets hurt.
Lorina:
The taste of his foot in his mouth. Yep, I'd say he's very
familiar with that one. Sending a generic response to ads
he never read would cause an immediate foot to mouth reaction.
I’m
a Capricorn. I’m too stubborn to check my horoscope.
Funny though... that’s a ‘Capricorn trait’.
I read constantly but nothing for enjoyment in a long time.
I’ve tripped over shrubbery and landed on my face going
after a Frisbee.
I’ve
never done my own taxes. I can calculate my snooze time in
nine minute increments early in the morning. I played bingo
once, I lost at bingo once. I learned the card game A**hole
on a camping trip two years ago, and was not insulted. I’ve
drunk beer while swimming. I've for the most part been only
in long term relationships. I’ve been tested even though
I knew I was never at risk and STILL, I was relieved. I’m
healthy and very careful even though I don't have a lot of
casual relationships.
Lorina:
And why, pray tell, would his sexual history be important
to a platonic friend?!
I
love the smell of coffee but have never had a full cup. I
sit down in the shower to wash my feet. I slipped and fell
one too many times;) I’ve worn out several cars driving
up and down the West Coast. The only time I run out of things
to say is when I am flustered by a beautiful woman.
Lorina:
I thought looks didn't matter to him?!
Wow,
I kind of rambled on there didn't I! Well I had no idea what
to tell you when I started, so, I guess I told you everything!,
There’s no way I thought I’d be sending a letter
this long to ANYONE, but , I was sitting home (which is rare
these days), I started playing with this computer, found the
personals, and it came up with you, I was intrigued.
Lorina:
Yeah, so intrigued he clicked CTRL C and CTRL V, again.
Would
you like to correspond? If you write, I’ll write back.
I'm not asking for anything more than that, I'm not LOOKING
for any more than that.... at least to start with!, but if
it comes...... so be it;) I guess what I’m saying is
that I’m open to anything.
Talk
to you later?, tell me more about who I'm talking to. Looking
forward to hearing from you.
Lorina:
"Tell me ANYTHING
about who I'm talking to, because I never read your ad."
THOR
Lorina:
I think you should write him back and tell him that you've
gotten this letter from him before. If he's sincere in wanting
to meet someone, perhaps he should sincerely write to each
person individually. No woman would want a guy who writes
to so many damn women that he has to compose a FORM LETTER.
And he might want to try this novel approach, no, not writing
a NOVEL -- Read the damn ad and see if you're what she's looking
for!!!
All
in all, it's not bad, but it's sooo long and sooo obviously
a copy & paste, it loses any charm.
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