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Big
Dumb Tom
Too
bad I don't still have his original mail, or snagged his picture
from the ad before it was deleted. But it was rather dull,
and had a link to his ad, with a picture of a beefy guy wearing
tiny striped bikini briefs wedged tightly up his buttcrack.
Not my idea of sexy! This
was his second e-mail...
Lorina:
How did I know that Big Tom would be a bore...
What
makes this jerk think he's interesting because he's in the
ARMY? His first response wasn't "bad" -- but he
had a link to his ad, and he was wearing striped undies and
had a wedgie. All this adds up to -- NOT INTERESTED!
Third
response...
Note:
His ad has since been deleted, but in the picture, as mentioned,
he was in little jockey underwear, with his back [more like
back-side] to the camera, looking over his shoulder. He mentioned
how he hates "drug addicks and fat people."
Lorina:
Big Tom just won't quit!!! This is also the guy who though
he'd impress me by saying he's been in the army 8 years. Come
now, you all know me fairly well.... wouldn't my wonderfully
chaotic lifestyle (I'm livin' la vida slobba!!!) drive a military
dude absolutely crazy?? Just look at the picture -- Ok, so
he's not a bad looking guy, and his first e-mail wasn't awful...
but the picture with the ad!!! EWWWWW! He's wearing PANTIES!
"Hey, Bub! At least turn around so we can check out your
bits and pieces! Your wedding tackle.. Your meat and two vedge...
Your twig and berries..."
Besides...
read his ad. He doesn't like "drug addicks." I've
heard of crack houses, and growing stuff in basements, but
not attics... Oh, I guess he means "addicts." Silly
me.
And
he doesn't like mean people. That leaves me out right there.
Cindy:
You're
in the Army now
You're holier than thou
You are a throw back
Briefs stuck up your crack
You're sickening, and how!
You
think you're pretty fit
You won't even take a hit
You show off your ass
But you won't smoke grass
So why don't you go eat shit!
You
say you show it all
But then you face the wall
I'll bet that your weenie
Is really very teeny
Is it really all that small?
You
like sunshine and food
I think you're pretty crude
Your shallow and dumb
Your dick's like a thumb
You're steroid-damaged, dude!
You
say you don't like fat
You think that you're "all that"
I'd rather be dead
Then stuck with you, Meathead
You're an egotistical brat!
(This
fella is not really a meat head .....he is a mashed potato
head, but that didn't fit the verse!)
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