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The Renaissance Fair-y

Ok, ok... I know there's a lot of people out there who like Renaissance Fairs, and lots of people who like sappy shit like this, BUT... Any dumbass who responds to an ad from an admittedly sarcastic girl which reads "I don't fall for sappy romantic catch phrases..." deserves what he gets.

Date: Wed, 15 Sep 1999 18:14:51 -0700
Subject: "...enticing curiosity..."
In response to: In Three Easy Steps

"If I could write the beauty of your eyes
And in fresh numbers number all your graces,
The age to come would say, 'This poet lies;
Such heavenly touches ne'er touch'd earthly faces.'
So should my papers, yellow'd with their age,
Be scorn'd, like old men of less truth than tongue,
And your rights be term'd a poet's rage
And stretched metre of an antique song."
~ William Shakespeare ~

*...a silent breeze plays across your body...feather-kissing your skin in sensuous, silken whispers...and, a shadow slips from the darkness, kneeling humbly before you...then, a voice, warm and inviting, beckons from his ethereal lips....*

Lady Intrigue!

Alas, you've piqued my curiosity! I was exploring Classifieds 2000, and having ventured upon your stunning resume', was immediately captivated, and equally enchanted by your stunning graces. Please allow me a measure of your time to introduce myself...

...I'm a gentleman rogue with a romantic soul and adventurous spirit... a humble soul of 34-years, quite-single caucasian, 5'7", a modest 165lbs, with a ruggedly-handsome demeanor, and deeply-expressive,haunting hazel eyes; windows to the soul. I'm an artisan by trade; a freelance illustrator, writer, and graphic designer who haunts the _________ County region of __________. My interests run the gamut from the sublime to the extraordinary... though, I harbor an obvious fascination for horror, science fiction, fantasy, and the supernatural in all its myriad forms, especially films and literature. Notwithstanding my interest in the fantastical, I am an equally down-to-earth soul who relishes in basking in nature's awe and splendor, and am often found hiking, climbing, spelunking, bicycling,and exploring every facet of this vast planet, unearthing all the mysteries that abound... and, surely, you pose quite the alluring mystery, indeed!

*slipping his hand into the shadows that abound, he retrieves a lavender rose, and gently places it at your delicate feet*...a token of my endearment... though, I fear it pales before your beauty...a beauty that truly mirrors your soul...

...I shall allow you a moment to consider my request, in hope that I have coaxed a bit of curiosity, and a hint of a smile upon your resplendent visage...enough so to be encouraged to respond and open the doorway to your world, just a crack, for me to slip by and bask in the fathomless depths of your radiant soul...and share my world with equal measure. So, please don't hesitate to write me, if the spirit moves you, and we'll see what blossoms from there. Needless to say, I shall wait with bated breath to harken of your thoughts, musings, and insights soon, and thank you for allowing me this rare opportunity to make your splendid acquaintance... Enjoy!

Sincerely,
Gentleman Ghost

p.s.: ...just to let you know...I am equally as adventurous and spontaneous as you appear to be, and mirror many of your own unqiue appreciations... Addams Family, old cartoons, etc....I merely opted for the hopeless romantic approach...*smile*...regardless, I find you quite fascinating, and would be honored to correspond with you, and further explore the alluring depths of your soul...
Shall we dance?

Lorina: New line to add to the ad... "Please, no one who frequents Renaissance Fairs."

Frequent? More like "Freak went to the fair."

Subject: "...enticing curiosity..."

More like "...enducing vomitting..."

Ok, maybe this Shakespeare crap worked... like... 400 years ago!

*...a silent breeze plays across your body...feather-kissing your skin in sensuous, silken whispers...and, a shadow slips from the darkness, kneeling humbly before you...then, a voice, warm and inviting, beckons from his ethereal lips....*

*a silent shudder crept through her abdomen... tingling her stomach in queasy, quivering motions... and, a wretch slips from her, kneeling humbly before the toilet.... then, a vomit, warm and stinky, hurled from her ethereal lips...*

Alas, you've piqued my curiosity! I was exploring Classifieds 2000, and having ventured upon your stunning resume', was immediately captivated, and equally enchanted by your stunning graces. Please allow me a measure of your time to introduce myself...

Alas... I'm only reading this to find out just HOW MUCH of a wanker this guy is!

I am an equally down-to-earth soul who relishes in basking in nature's awe and splendor, and am often found hiking, climbing, spelunking, bicycling,and exploring every facet of this vast planet, unearthing all the mysteries that abound... and, surely, you pose quite the alluring mystery, indeed!

So much material... SPELUNKING??? While I am fond of the word, something tells me this guy hasn't been "cave diving" in an awfully long time!

*slipping his hand into the shadows that abound, he retrieves a lavender rose, and gently places it at your delicate feet*...a token of my endearment... though, I fear it pales before your beauty...a beauty that truly mirrors your soul...

*slipping her finger down her throat, she regurgitates her breakfast, a bagel with cream cheese, and gently pukes at her delicate feet* ... a token of just how nauseated I am by this man, though, I fear it pales before just how much of a fruitcake this guy is!

Please... stop talking about my soul. I'm a heartless, evil, soul-less person.

I merely opted for the hopeless romantic approach...*smile*

Hopeless romantic? Naw... this guy's just hopeless.

Cindy: To be honest...I had great difficulty even reading this or wanting to read this....It was like reading the BIBLE....

Get with the times Romeo...this doesn't cut it!

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