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The
Fluid Master
This
is NOT for the faint of hearts. This is REALLY REALLY disgusting,
so if you do not want to be offended, do not read this. Just
to liven things up a little, I had to throw in some comic
relief. Other comments are at the bottom...
Subject: JUST FOR FUN!
In response to: Call
Me Miss Kensington
HI,
MY NAME IS MAX.
I take care
of these two... cuz when they met, it was moi-dah! I miss
Hart to Hart.
I'M A HANDSOME, MATURE, SELF-CONFIDENT,
PROFESSIONAL MASSEUR, SPECIALIZING IN SENSUAL SWEDISH MASSAGE.
I LIVE AND WORK IN UPPER BUCKS CO. WHERE MY CLIENT BASE IS
LOCATED. I SET MY OWN SCHEDULE AND WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM MEETING
YOURS.
Ok, now,
if he does this for a living, is he REALLY going to want
to be doing it in his spare time, too? I mean, that would
be as silly as a web designer making web pages in her spare
time... uh... nevermind.
I'M A WARM, EROTIC, AND COMPLETELY
UNINHIBITED MAN,
That becomes
blatantly obvious!
WHO IS VERY ADEPT AT BRINGING
A WOMAN TO COMPLETE SEXUAL BLISS, THROUGH FANTASY FULFILLMENT,
ROLE PLAYING, AND MULTIPLE ORGASMS. I BELIEVE THAT A WOMAN
IS LIKE A SENSUAL, DELICATE, RARE, AND VERY SPECIAL FLOWER,
HEY! He
stole that from Fez, from That 70's Show!
WHOSE PASSION INCREASES WITH
EACH UNFOLDING ORGASM, UNTIL, AT LAST, SHE REACHES FULL BLOOM
IN ORGASMIC NIRVANA!
Kurt Cobain's
going to show up? Wow!
BY BEING EXTREMELY SENSITIVE,
TO MY LOVERS NEEDS, AND EXPRESSING MY OWN, IN THE HEAT OF
LUST, I'VE LEARNED THE ART OF "GREAT SEX!"
"By
being a, total jackass, a sick, bastard, and a, raging pervert,
and to, make matters, worse, adding, commas, in all kinds
of, places, I've learned the art of making women wonder
why they ever wanted to have sex at all!"
AFTER ALL, IF IT WASN'T FOR
"GREAT SEX," WE WOULD ALL BE BORED, WOULDN'T WE?!
Uh... I
don't know... some of us have.... HOBBIES! INTERESTS! LIVES!
IF YOU ARE THE KIND OF WOMAN
THAT YOU SOUND LIKE, AND ARE TRULY YEARNING FOR SOMETHING
BEYOND THE MUNDANE, THEN CONTACT ME, AND WE CAN TAKE IT FROM
THERE!
What did
I say to deserve this???
IN THE MEANTIME, HERE'S A
LITTLE FANTASY SPICE TO GET YOU NICE AND MOIST BETWEEN THE
LEGS!
He succeeded
at that... I nearly pissed my pants!
FIRST WE WILL LOOSEN UP A
LITTLE WITH SOME FINE WINE, AND MUSIC, WHILE WE TALK, AND
PET, AND GET INTIMATE WITH EACH OTHER FOR A BIT. THEN WE'LL
KISS SOFTLY AT FIRST, AND I'LL TEASE YOUR NECK WITH MY TONGUE,
AND SOFTLY CARESS YOUR WONDERFUL BREASTS, AND TITILLATE YOUR
DELICATE, SENSITIVE NIPPLES, UNTIL THEY STAND STRAIGHT UP
AT ATTENTION. THEN I'LL RUN MY TONGUE DOWN YOUR NECK AND DRAW
CIRCLES AROUND YOUR ROCK HARD NIPPLES AND FLICK THEM EVER
SO LIGHTLY WITH MY TONGUE, UNTIL THEY'RE STEEL HARD AND HOT,
AND YOUR BREATHING BECOMES HEAVY, AND YOUR LOVELY P_SSY STARTS
TO DRIP WITH LOVE JUICE. AND ALL THE WHILE YOU'LL BE RUBBING
MY STIFF C_CK AND BALLS THROUGH MY PANTS, AND YOU'LL FEEL
MY C_CK TRYING TO RIP IT'S WAY THROUGH MY PANTS.
All I can
picture is a rooster pecking his way out of this guy's trousers.
DUDE... get that chicken out of your pants.
YOU'LL FELL MY C_CK
"FELL?"
Isn't that what you do to a tree? TIMMMMBEEEERRRR!!!!! Gimme
a hatchet, I'll fell this guy's C_CK.
THROBBING, GROWING, AND PULSING,
AND YOU'LL WANT IT, BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE IT JUST YET! NOT UNTIL
I MAKE YOU C_M FIRST! I'LL WORK MY LIPS, AND TONGUE SLOWLY
DOWN YOUR FINE TORSO, LICKING AND KISSING MY WAY TO YOUR STEAMING,
SWEET LITTLE P_SSY, AND THEN I'LL EAT YOUR BEAUTIFUL, SWEET
P_SSY,
AND MAKE YOU C_M, AND C_M,
AND C_M...
AND AFTER YOU C_M, AND C_M,
AND C_M,
Man, how
many times WAS that??
AND YOUR HOT LITTLE CLEAN
SHAVEN P_SSY
Look
what you did to
Mr. Bigglesworth!!!
IS ALL GLISTENING FORM MY
MOUTH AND YOUR LOVE JUICE, I'LL STAND IN FRONT OF YOU SO YOU
CAN OPEN MY PANTS AND CATCH MY HARD, THROBBING C_CK, AND MY
BALLS IN YOUR SOFT HANDS
Do I get
a catcher's mit and mask?
THEN, I WANT YOU TO LICK MY
BALLS WITH YOUR HOT, FLICKERING TONGUE, AND SUCK MY THROBBING
C_CK WITH YOUR SOFT LIPS AND JUICY MOUTH, AND MAKE ME SHOOT
MY BOILING C_M
"BOILING?"
Is that semen or magma?
RIGHT DOWN YOUR THROAT, WHILE
YOU SQUEEZE MY BALLS TO GET EVERY LAST DROP!
Good to
the last drop? I know his name is Max, but this sounds more
like Maxwell's House!
THEN, JUST BEFORE WE COME
DOWN FROM OUR COSMIC SEXUAL HIGH, I'LL LICK YOUR TENDER INNER
THIGHS, AND SLOWLY WORK MY WAY UP TO THAT GORGEOUS, SWEET,
LITTLE, WET "HONEY POT" OF YOURS, AND KISS, LICK,
AND TONGUE F_CK YOUR HOT, WET HOLE. THEN I'LL LICK MY WAY
AROUND TO YOUR TIGHT, VIRGIN ASSH_LE, AND LICK IT, AND TONGUE
F_CK IT, WHILE I FINGER F_CK YOUR P_SSY, AND PLAY WITH YOUR
CLIT, UNTIL YOU FEEL LIKE THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD IS READY TO
EXPLODE! AND WHILE I'M BATHING MYSELF IN YOUR WET DELIGHT,
I'LL BE MOUTH F_CKING YOU WITH MY ROCK HARD C_CK, TO MUFFLE
YOUR SCREAMS OF ECSTASY! THEN, WHEN YOUR SOOOO HOT YOU CAN'T
STAND IT, I'LL SLIDE THE TIP OF MY PULSING C_CK JUST INSIDE
YOUR JUICY C*NT LIPS, AND TEASE YOUR P_SSY WITH MY PURPLE
C_CKHEAD, UNTIL YOU BEG ME TO F_CK YOU, "HARDER, HARDER,
HARDER!"
This is,
and continues to be, just too gross for comment. Even I'm
not amused at this point.
AND, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU LOVE
DIRTY TALK, YOU HOT LITTLE C_CKSUCKING BITCH, I'LL MAKE YOU
MY F_CK SLAVE, AND WE'LL F_CK EACH OTHER IN EVERY POSITION
KNOWN TO THE LUST GODS, AND I'LL POUND YOUR DRIPPING P_SSY
WITH MY STEEL HARD C_CK, AND LICK AND FONDLE YOUR PERFECT
T-TS, AND FINGER F_CK YOUR ASSH_LE, UNTIL YOU CAN'T C_M ANYMORE,
YOU ADORABLE LITTLE SLUT!
I guess
this is him showing just how "sensitive he is to his
lover's needs."
THEN, WHEN THERE'S SO MUCH
P_SSY CREAM COATING MY C_CK, AND DRIPPING DOWN ON YOUR ASSH_LE,
I'LL SPREAD THOSE FINE, TIGHT BUNS OF YOURS, AND SLOWLY INSERT
MY HELMET INTO YOUR VIRGIN ASSH_LE, AND TEASE YOU WITH MY
C_CK, UNTIL YOU SCREAM FOR ME TO F_CK YOUR ASS, YOU LITTLE
ANAL WH_RE! AND F_CK YOUR ASS I WILL!
Is is just
me or does that line sound like it was spoken in "Yoda-speak."
Imagine, "F_ck your ass, I will, Young Skywalker. Size
matters not."
SLIDING MY MEAT IN AND OUT,
DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO YOUR HOT, TIGHT ASSH_LE, GIVING YOU
SO MUCH PLEASURE, YOU HOT LITTLE ANAL B_TCH, THAT YOU WILL
BE TEARING THE MATTRESS APART WITH YOUR TEETH! AND, BEFORE
I'M READY TO C_M, I'LL TURN YOU OVER, AND PUT MY DICK INTO
YOUR WET MOUTH, AND HOLD YOUR HEAD AND SKULL F_CK YOU WHILE
YOU KNEEL IN FRONT OF ME, PUSHING MY HUGE C_CK, DEEPER AND
DEEPER INTO YOUR WAITING MOUTH, UNTIL IT TOUCHES THE BACK
OF YOUR THROAT, AND THE SPIT FLOWS OUT OF YOUR C_MFILLED MOUTH
LIKE F_CKING NIAGARA FALLS! AND, YOU'LL BE TASTING YOUR HOT
F_CKING P_SSY JUICES WHILE I F_CK YOUR MOUTH! THEN, WHEN I'M
READY TO C_M, I'LL TELL YOU TO SQUEEZE MY BALLS, AND I'LL
SHOOT MY MOTHER LOAD ALL OVER YOUR BEAUTIFUL, C_CKSUCKING
FACE, WHILE YOU PUMP MY MEAT WITH YOUR HORNY, LITTLE HAND
TO MILK OUT EVERY DROP OF STEAMING C_M, WHILE MY WHOLE BODY
QUAKES WITH MY POWERFUL RELEASE!
THEN, WE'LL LAY NEXT TO EACH
OTHER AND TRACE NASTY SHAPES IN MY MAN NECTAR ON YOUR FACE
WITH OUR FINGERS, WHILE OUR HEARTS POUND IN ECSTASY! AND THAT'S
JUST THE FIRST TIME WE MAKE LOVE!
"Make
Love?" That ain't making love. That's not even f_cking.
That's just gross. It probaly qualifies as rape in at least
36 states.
ARE YOU WET YET!!??
This makes
construction workers, with their hooting and hollering,
seem like Rudolph Valentino.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WE
DO IN THE SHOWER?
MAX ;o)
Jonn:
You
know, I would have been so turned on, if only he didn't FRICKIN'
SHOUT AT ME THE ENTIRE TIME!!!!
Jen:
What a weirdo, is all I can say. After reading the email,
it made me ask myself a few questions:
1)
When exactly was it that I completely shaved myself?? News
to me!
2)
Who in their right mind is going to have anal sex with someone
and then ask that person for oral sex? Hello! I may think
I have a great butt, but I don't ever care to *taste* my
butt, thanks.
Fritz:
Holy Screaming Jesus! I've been in mosh pits that were less
violent than that! This guy doesn't need a woman, he needs
Ritalin. Just imagine this sick bastard on steroids and
Viagra!
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