Driven
Movies
An
classic TMI... I didn't think it was possible to share so
much baggage and still be soooo dull.
Lorina:
Nothing
like a confident man! You're right up there with the pick-up
line, "You don't want to dance with me, do you?"
I
lOvE tHe sPoradIc CaPitizAtion.
What the hell is a driven movie?
He
does have his good points. He did not mention walks on the
beach in the moonlight or candlelit dinners for two with a
bottle of wine. I would love to see a picture of him...when
he gets his scanner from "sear."
Jen:
Where do I begin? Each loser letter gets more pathetic than
the last. This is the type of loser-guy you met in HS; he
desperately tried to win everyone's affection, yet never did.
He asked girls out ("you really don't want to date me,
do you?") and got shot down...and never understood why.
People stole this kid's lunch money. Who in the world tells
someone in an intial email they've got a Sears charge? Is
that supposed to impress a woman? ::affecting a hick accent::
"You know, Lori, this one's a keeper!"
He's
shy until he gets to know someone? Well, who isn't? How many
people are totally open with complete strangers? When you're
in line at the deli, you're not going to ask for a pastrami
sandwich and tell the clerk how you've missed your period
for the past two months and you think you might be pregnant
but you're not sure if it's your cousin Bob's or some guy
you spent one night with after you got high, and btw, extra
mustard, thanks.
Now
let's dissect his recreational activities--going to the pool
and going to driven (drive-in?) movies. How OLD is this guy?
Guys that like to go to the pool are usually about 15 years
old. Guys that like to go to the beach and scope out all the
chicks in suits, 20-80 yo. Guys that like going to drive-ins
(considering most drive-ins have been closed on average 20
years), 50ish minimum. And even folks in their 50s are savvy
enough to know that the last time they were in a drive-in
was when they wore clogs and Nehru jackets, when Nagohyde
lamps were the rage. This muchacho is seriously out of the
loop, kids. And finally, he likes to play on the computer,
and he's learning the computer as he goes. Could anyone, and
I mean ANYONE, have a duller life?
Cindy:
A clinical dissection by Dr. Cindy, Ph.D. ("probably
had dates" like him)
Hi
my name is dean. i've been writing to these adds and I never
got A response from any of these adds
We
are dealing with a mentally challenged individual who prefers
to call himself "Dean"...he is probably the only
one that calls him anything at all. Probably incapable of
calling himself a cab. Zero response can range from lack of
knowledge of punctuation and spelling to incredibly low self
worth, and rightfully so....this all "ADS" up to
trouble.
Are
you going to answer my add back.
As
a certified clinician, my response to this is - Do you think
I should answer you Dean? Probably not. If you sound pathetic
enough, they will stay away.
I'm
getting A scanner it is on order at sear.
While
I have found that Sears provides the remarkable Craftsman
tools, which carry a guarantee for life, I have found there
is very little else I would want to purchase from Sears, other
than tools and small home appliances, let alone, place a special
order for. While this gentleman feels this is the equivalent
to "Sharper Image" or "Crutchfield", a
scarier notion is that he probably purchases everything from
Sears...he is probably wearing a stained pair of Tuffskin
jeans, size 36 "husky", purchased in 1972. The zipper
is more than likely broken and held together by diaper pins.
I
will send you a pic when I get it could you write me back
until I send you A pic.
Why,
oh why must this man capitalize A's? For research purposes
only, I believe this fellow should receive a brief response
to acquire this photograph. The data we collect from visualizing
this mutant would be invaluable. We may need to call Guinness
World Records and do the talk show circuit. There's always
the tabloids.
I'm
A nice guy but I'm shy until I get to know someone.
This
line concerns me....all I can think of is what comes next
... "Then once I get to know someone and experience rejection
AGAIN, I no longer REMAIN a nice guy. Usually Mr. Slingblade
(some people call him Mr. Kaiserblade) tells me to cut off
their f--king heads...Uhhhh-huhhh" "Then I go for
some canned meat and french-fried per-tato's."
I
like going to the pool,movies driven are best. I haven't been
to a driven in a long time.
"Pool"
can have several meanings...I fear this gentleman prefers
to go to the sess pool. Again, we may have misread this fellow,
not hard to do as he cannot spell worth a shit. He certainly
could be a fan of DRIVE-IN movies, as there are one or two
left in our rural country side ....but more than likely, he
prefers to be "DRIVEN" to the movies...it's hard
as hell to push/pull that wagon full of pencils a block or
two, but several miles to a theater, well, that's understandable.
I
like playing on the computer. I'm learning abuot the computer
as I go.
He
probably took to the computer after experiencing great difficulty
with phone sex. He kept getting his penis stuck in the 9.
Thanks
you for the opportunity to review this most interesting patient.
I look forward to future evaluations.
Dr.
Cindy
Lorina:
I
think I'm gonna hafta git me sum of them per-tatos. Uhh-huh.
Maybe with a hamburger. I'll put it on a bun. Some folks call
it a Kaiser roll. Uhh-huh.
Isn't
the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over
again and expecting a different result?
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